The Show Must Go On......And On.....

The closing ceremony of the 2006 Winter Olympic Games in Torino was one hell of a show. Nay, it was an Olympic event in itself. An endurance contest for both the logistical coordinators and, in some cases, the viewers themselves (the Ricky Martin show was particularly grueling, I thought). However, circus clowns bumbling to the tunes of Louis Prima, Luciano Pavarrotti, and other actual talents, along with enough flame throwers and fireworks to turn the Sahara into a sheet of glass, overpowered the pop nuisance and provided all present with an explosive, if not a bit hazy, memory of their time in Torino. The true test of the athlete's strength will come now that the official celebrations are over and the unofficial celebrations begin :-)

Today In The News..

Ahhhhh....the richness of black, Columbian style coffee. The aroma of it waltzes through the dimly lit kitchen area and reminds the lone occupant that it is once again time to go about the daily business of living.

At the flip of a switch, the radio on the dining room table begins to spout the latest news in finance, foreign relations, and crimes against humanity (which all seem tied together). The typical newscast sounds something like this: "Today in a far off land, two men belonging to an extremist religious group funded by a terrorist organization that may someday be discovered to be tied to members of your own government, disguised themselves as well-meaning police officers, entered a crowded house of worship and promptly detonated the explosive vests they wore, killing an alarming number of men, women, and children for reasons you will never understand. Members of many governments denounced the action and called for peace talks, but naturally, nobody's interested. In other news, blah blah blah devastating floods, blah blah dirty former Enron executives, blah blah in the stock market today...."

A great deal of effort is put forth to pre-digest news of the atrocities committed in the name of progress and prosperity so that it may be funneled to the masses. Pipelines carrying the sewage and savagery of the world are fitted directly into your mind and come in the form of radio, television, newspapers, books, and the internet. And what are you to do with this information once you have it? People like me set time aside at some point in the day to absorb this data, yet I for one have thus far failed to produce anything useful with it, let alone remembered all of it.

Perhaps if everything I knew of and thought about were strung together in random fashion, it might produce something with entertainment value. Hey, it worked to George Carlin.

Flatlined

Due to a loaded schedule, increased responsibility at work, and possibly excessive imbibing on the weekends, I regret to inform you, dear reader, that a single creative or original thought has failed to make the journey across the desert of my mind and into the fertile regions of consciousness. I am therefore unable to endow this moment, which you have so graciously committed to the reading of my blog, with any sort of titivated composition that would otherwise leave you as intellectually disengaged as a presidential address. Despite my best efforts, the gearbox atop my shoulders is occupied with more pressing demands, such as work and reading.

Note To The Reader:

In case you're wondering where all this whining is coming from, I should tell you that this blog is not so much a journal as it is a playground that I use to exercise and develop writing skills. By experimenting with different writing styles (or no writing style at all) and building up a decent vocabulary, I may someday present you with a piece of writing that will leave you satisfied instead of only slightly older.

I think I'll join a gym.....

Movement. Exercise. Physical exertion. These things I must maintain to stave off aching hips and stiff back. Born with a body that is doomed to age at a seemingly accelerated rate, I must take care to keep it moving, lest I suffer the anguish of decrepitude by the age of 40. Lack of regular exercise, imbalanced diet, incorrect posture, and too many months of work without leave are woven together to form the unfortunate tapestry that is the quintessential modern American lifestyle; my lifestyle.

Such is the average American; an ever-expanding carbon-based capacitor for potential energy with neither the wits nor the inclination to recognize the detrimental impact of their inaction on themselves and those who will succeed them. Not everyone, mind you. This is simply what I gather to be the globally perceived caricature of the homegrown American. Not just infidels in the eyes of the world, but a bona fide, unified, country fried, and morally unqualified pack of reprobates.

Anyway, I've decided to solve my inactivity problem in true modern fashion, by throwing money at it. There's a gym just down the road and for $30 a month, their facilities are at my disposal. God bless America.

Books Of The Year

..that is, the books I am currently reading this year. The problem I have with reading books is that I have a strong tendency not to finish them. I've begun reading several books from my personal library covering a myriad of interesting topics, yet only a handful of them have ever known the satisfaction of being read cover to cover. I become distracted by a few pages of another book and put them aside, thinking I'd get back to them later. The only viable solution I have come up with is to read several different books at once.

For someone with a short literary attention span and only a few hours here and there to devote to the indulgence of bookish escapism, this has proven to be an ideal solution. It still takes me several months, if not a year or so, to finish the books, but I finish them. Moreover, the resulting assortment of books piled onto the coffee table (usually a novel, a software development book or two, and a couple of antiquated works) leaves the impression of a well-read intellectual to the casual onlooker who doesn't know me that well.

The current regiment of printed works is as follows:

• Practical Perforce by Laura Wingerd - A delightful romp through the world of Perforce, The Fast Software Configuration Management System, and it's effective use in your software development environment. For more information, visit www.perforce.com
• The Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy by Douglas Adams - This is a re-read. I just really enjoy the story and it serves as a refreshing change of pace (or rather, a sudden introduction of any pace) from the inevitable monotonousness of the aforementioned text.
• A Short History Of Nearly Everything by Bill Bryson - Ever gazed at the starry expanse above us and marveled at how unimaginably huge the universe is? Read this book to find out that it is in fact unimaginable, so don't bother trying. You'll also be introduced to every Tom, Dick and Harry that ever had a significant impact (positive or farcical) on the whole of scientific thought.
• Alcoholica Esoterica by Ian Lendler - A self-proclaimed "Cliff Claven" style history book covering the history of alcohol in all of its splendid forms and fraught with frivolous facts and quippy quotes that are sure to entertain your friends and annoy your girlfriend. And yes, this is where I got the idea for the name of this blog.

Books on the horizon:

• Tobacco by Ian Gately - How the worlds most beloved cancer agent shaped the world as we know it. I couldn't resist this one.
• The Art Of War by Sun-tzu - While I'm learning how parts of the world were developed, I might as well learn how they were subsequently conquered by the neighboring barbarian hordes.
• The World Is Flat by Thomas L. Friedman - This book was lent to me (which means I have to finish reading this one within the year) and I believe it is about the effects of technology on globalization and world economies in these first years of the twenty-first century, otherwise known as the "flattening of the Earth". It could be interesting to read about how the ludicrousness I hear in the news every day has profoundly impacted the world I live in as I remain steadfastly oblivious to it.
• Software Configuration Management Patterns by Stephen P. Berczuk with Brad Appleton - More software development process stuff. I really don't have the strength to elaborate any further on this.

Too Early For This Sh!+

On this frigid morning, as I sit at the breakfast table, I can't seem to commit anything to writing; nothing of interest even to me. I don't usually attempt to write anything so early in the day. That is normally reserved as an evening activity, good for winding down after a day's work when my head is a torrent of product development problems and half-baked configuration management solutions (or just a blank slate, depending on the day).

My botched attempt at a brisk morning jog brutally jarred my senses into half-working order and left them to wonder what ghastly crime I had committed to be suddenly deposited in these "life-threateningly cold for those clothes you're wearing, you idiot" tempuratures. A hot shower and a warm bowl of oatmeal provide no solace from the fact that I am woefully out of shape. I jog as though I'm wearing cement shoes and I breath as though I've swallowed a kazoo. The darkness of 5:30 am and the absence of any friction between my running shoes and the ice I'm running on combine to produce a sight and sound that is probably quite comical from any perspective but my own. Go ahead and laugh (clomp-wheeze-clomp-slip-wheeze), I'll show you all (wheeze).....

Anyway, while slurping my over-watered oatmeal and eating my coffee (I like it strong), I resolved to play a nasty trick on the reader by switching the context to past tense and writing about the fact that I had nothing to write about, thereby starting my day off with a nice little paradox and generally annoying people who happen to read this blog and care about tense.

And now I'm off to work, where things sometimes make even less sense than what I've presented here. May the rest of your day be paradox-free.