Exposed Skin Causes Teenage Girls To Lose Lunch

I'm not a big sports buff. I don't aspire to shave my body and paint it in the team colors, guzzle down Bud Light until I can belch "The Star Spangled Banner", and overturn vehicles in the stadium parking lot out of pure, unadulterated, beer-fueled ecstasy when the home team wins the big one.

But dammit, I like the cheerleaders. Those two and 7/10 of a second they appear on the television (thank you FCC) can make watching a game at a friends house all worth while. The scantiness of the outfits which young slender women are adorned with during gameplay serve as the drawing force of what I believe is a significant percentage of the viewing audience; me.

However, the powers that be without a clue have handed down yet another commandment.

"Thou shalt not show thy midriff."

Why, you ask? Isn't it obvious? Millions of impressionable young girls would rush to the nearest toilet and purge themselves of all the nutrients they ingested from fast food and microwaved dinners. Mercy. We might lose all that academic potential. Lord knows we need all the credit-card-carrying cell phone addicts we can get. Especially the ones who's need for social acceptance transcend general health and well being.

I question the logic behind this decision. When I see cheerleaders on the field, tossing my bean and rice burrito isn't the first thought to enter my mind. The beer-bellied sasquatch with the Viking helmet, however, might elicit some emetic response.